boy with fever

Sometimes I like to see life as a dream. I'm at day 8 of general fatigue, an ongoing fever, occasional loud coughing, throat pains, slightly burning eyes, my nose has gone from bleeding to stuffed to running, and my head feels stuffed. For a complete picture, throw in a strong uneasy feeling in the bones at especially day 4.

The symbol I understand best is the raised temperature. During the last week, I've become more and more angrier, while at the same time my fever seemed to get worse and worse. It didn't help that I couldn't figure out what I could be so angry about. But, in the evening of day 7 I realized that I have a few axes to grind with doctors and other authorities who have been fighting me while I was sick. After that insight, I had the best night of sleep so far.

Illness can be seen as expressing or releasing emotions that can not be expressed otherwise. Which makes me wonder. Two years ago I went through a period of releasing anger too. That concerned anger about the apparent injustice of having been ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for so long, and the many years of my life that I lost. That time it didn't require fever, I directly experienced that anger for two whole weeks, and was very aware of where it came from. Clearly, this time around, there's more at stake than only bottled up aggression.